Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
