My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
