??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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