someone threw a dead crab at me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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