she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize