why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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