so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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