I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
