I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
sex in a hospital.. check
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
