How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
