When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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