She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
