when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
