If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
