and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
