I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my shit smells like andre
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize