I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
