They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
