How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
