yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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