I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we have officially lost it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
