The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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