The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
