You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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