There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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