I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize