my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
