Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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