I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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