I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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