I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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