I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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