Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize