He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
