And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
