Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think i peed on brittanys purse
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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