So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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