...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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