my vag is so smooth its legendary
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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