There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
