I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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