So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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