if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
