Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
