And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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