I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
