I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
