At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
