Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
