What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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