I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
