And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
