There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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