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So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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