call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
