If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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