Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
