ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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