he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
