Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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