this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know her cup size but not her name....
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