how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm having to shit out rocks
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