If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize