I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
