you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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