I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
