he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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