He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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