So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
