oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
