I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
