In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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